Title: What An Empty Heart Must Feel

Author: Marie King

Email: Shippershaven@ cs.com

Show: The Pretender

Rating: G

Spoilers/Season: Bloodlines

Summary: Missing scene from Bloodlines.

Disclaimer: I don't own Jarod or Miss P. I'm not making any money form this. I'm just playing. Don't mean to step on anyone's toes.

 

What An Empty Heart Must Feel

By Marie King

 

"I don't know, but I know they loved you." The man answered solemnly before standing up and walking down the steps. He nodded to the woman who stood in the doorway, but she appeared not to notice them. Those two, he thought, got more sparks between them than a power plant. She was tough slip of thing, but if looked in her eyes you could see the sadness there, just like in Jarod's. Sadness and love. Wonder if they even knew it yet. That they loved with each other, a smile flitted across his face. After watching them most of the night he was pretty sure they didn't. He chuckled as he remembered them spitting at each other over a glass of milk.

 

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To get something to drink." Jarod answered. "Do you have a problem with that?'

"I suppose you don't have any alcohol in this dump."

"It's not good for your ulcer Miss Parker." Jarod opened the small refrigerator. "You get milk."

Parker rolled her eyes. "Wonderful. You have a great future ahead of you as a mother hen. You're worse than Syd. " Their fingers touched when Jarod handed her the tall glass and she jerked away spilling droplets of milk on her blouse. "Shit. This is silk!"

"Here, let me." Jarod took a damp towel and blotted the spots. He looked at her and saw the blush that had begun to creep across her cheeks. Suddenly he was aware of who and where he was touching.

"I'll do it," she murmured as she took a step backwards.

Jarod nodded numbly and handed her the towel walking back over to the couch where Davy Simpkins lay sleeping. He stroked the boy's soft silky hair and watched as Parker tossed the towel aside and walked over to where Angelo sat at the piano, his fingers moving across the keys.

"That was my mom's favorite song. It reminds me of the good times." She sat down beside him on the bench her finger's picking out the simple tune.

"Makes you happy."

"Yes." Parker whispered as she brushed an errant lock of hair out of Angelo's eyes. "It makes me happy. Thank you."

Angelo tilted his head and smiled at her bringing up his hand to gently stroke her cheek. "I remember." He turned and smiled at Jarod. "Remember when we were kids." He looked back at Parker. "You gave me Cracker Jacks."

"Yes." She smiled. "Yes. I did."

"You were sad."

"I was." Parker said as she remembered the emptiness she'd felt after her mother's death. "Very sad."

"Jarod made you smile."

Parker turned her gaze to the Pretender who was seated on the couch rocking the boy in his arms. "Yes he did." Sometimes, she thought, he still does.

"You have a pretty smile."

Parker turned to Angelo. "Thank you Angelo. So do you. "

"I play now." He began to move his hands awkwardly across the keyboard.

Parker listened for a minute and then stood up. She looked around the small cabin and her gaze fell once more on Jarod. He looks tired, she thought. Hell, we all do. The child in his arms whimpered and she watched as Jarod bent his head and murmured something to the boy. I wonder who held him and soothed his nightmares? She supposed it was Syd. Damn it. I can't start to feel sorry for him. I can't feel anything for him. She turned and crossed the room quickly yanking open the door and stepping out onto the porch. It was still out. Dark. She could see a few stars through the trees. She walked to the steps and sat down, lighting a cigarette. She closed her eyes and listened to Angelo play the same tune over and over. Twinkle, twinkle little star. She took a drag and exhaled slowly.

"Those aren't good for you either."

She jerked around nearly burning herself. "Jesus! Jarod! You are trying to kill me." Grinding out the cigarette she glared at him. "I came out here for some peace and quiet."

"You don't have to stay." When she didn't answer he dropped onto the step beside her. "It's a beautiful night."

Parker tried to ignore the feel of his thigh pressed against her. "If you go in for that kind of thing."

"What kind of thing?"

"Nature. Tree hugging. Warm fuzzies." Parker answered.

"Warm fuzzies?"

She smiled at the puzzlement in his voice. She'd forgotten how innocent he could be about some things. "Just an expression. Things that make you feel good."

"Like Angelo's song." He said.

"Like Angelo's song." She sighed and turned to look at Jarod. "Syd said if he didn't get all the treatments he'd go back to what he was. Is that true?"

"Yes." Jarod watched the emotions that washed across her face. Sadness, anger and regret. Their eyes met and held for an instant and Jarod fought the desire to reach out and pull her into a comforting embrace. He knew she'd reject the gesture and he wasn't in the mood for rejection.

Parker tore her gaze from his. "There's nothing we can do for Angelo? You can't start the therapy over?"

"Why Miss Parker," Jarod drawled, "I'd almost think you cared about what happens to Angelo."

"I do care!" She hissed. "Why do you always have to do that? You just can't resist can you? Well damn you Jarod. You're not the only person who lost something. " She got up and walked toward the water's edge fighting tears. Just when I think we got back what they took away he has to go and be like that, she thought. Not that I am blameless. When this is over I have to take him back to the Centre and he'll hate me again. She stopped cursing silently. No matter how many times she told her self it was for his own good. That he was better off at the Centre she hated what she was doing. She had no choice, she thought. She'd never be free of the Centre if she didn't. She closed her eyes and tried to block Jarod's voice from her memory. "Is your father's validation that important to you? How can you trust him? I want to know who I am. I want to know who my mother and father are. " She pounded her hands against her thighs. "Damn. Damn. Damn!" She gave into the anguish and let the tears flow.

Jarod stood in the shadows and watched as she angrily swiped at the tears rolling down her cheeks. He knew he shouldn't have said that to her. He knew she was a victim of the Centre and her father. Jarod sighed. He didn't know why he did it. Every time he could see the little girl from his past he said or did something to piss her off. Or worse, said something to hurt her. Like he had tonight. He never intended too, but he always did. He tried to forget the way his heart had raced the first time he'd saw her. Tried to bury the emotions the sound of her voice could raise in him. "What do you want from me Jarod? It's time to go home Jarod." In his minds eye he could see her standing up to Frank Isaac. Making him see how much his daughter loved him. He took a tentative step forward. "Parker?"

"Leave me alone. Please." She kept her back to him hoping he couldn't, or wouldn't, see she was shaking.

"Parker, I'm sorry." Jarod reached out and touched her shoulder. "I shouldn't have said that."

"No. No you shouldn't have. I do care about Angelo you know. And it's about more than the answers he might have. Damn it I watched as Syd took him through the process, Jarod." She clenched her fists and took a deep breath, trying to control her voice. "Every day he got better and better and I found myself rushing to the lab every morning to see what else Angelo had remembered. His joy was catching you know. Just drinking a cup of tea was cause for rejoicing. I saw the DSA's you know. I saw what Raines did to Timmy. I saw him tell my mother that Timmy was gone. That Angelo was his name now. And I saw Timmy come back to us."

As she turned toward him Jarod saw the tears pouring down her face. "I'm sorry." It seemed such an inadequate thing to say, yet it was all he could find to say. He wanted to make the hurt go away, to tell her he understood her pain. Shared her anger.

"So am I Jarod. But sorry won't make any of this go away. God knows I want to." She waved her hand feebly in the air and bowed her head. Jarod reached out and pulled her into his arms, he hands smoothing her hair. Parker wrapped her arms around his waist accepting the embrace and the comfort. They stood in the darkness with Angelo's music blending with the night sounds.

Parker leaned against the door and watched Jarod as he sat on the porch. They'd walked back to the cabin together without breaking the silence of the night. She'd gone straight to the bathroom to fix her face and he'd headed straight for the child who now lay curled against him. He held the picture he'd been given in his hand and she could see the pain etched into his face and she silently cursed. How the hell was she supposed to do her job when he got under her skin like this? Why did her father insist she be the one to bring him in? And why did she panic whenever any other team went after him? Because she was afraid, afraid of losing her father's love. Afraid that someone else would hurt Jarod. Or kill him. She closed her eyes and listened to as Angelo's fingers stumbled across the keyboard. If Angelo was her brother then she knew where all her mother's compassion had gone. He had sacrificed himself for that little boy out there. Was she prepared to do the same? Part of her wanted to. But only part of her, maybe Raines had experimented on the wrong twin, she thought bitterly. Maybe he should have tried to turn her into a Pretender. Or better yet a sociopath. A soft voice brought her out of her reverie.

"Where am I?"

The child was awake. She watched silently as Jarod talked to the child, thinking what a wonderful father he would be. She shook her head, banishing the thought. When this was over he was going back to the Centre. He would have no children, no wife, and no future. She stepped away from the door and looked at Angelo. None of them would

 

The End.

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